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Month: March 2023

My friend is officiating the ceremony and I’m worried they will go rouge. How do I set boundaries without offending them?

Q: My friend is officiating the ceremony and I'm worried they will go rouge. How do I set boundaries without offending them?

answers:

1 Videos
VIDEO SUMMARY

You. Okay, so your best friend is officiating for you and you’re worried they’re going to go rogue and throw your timeline off track and make the whole thing maybe all about them. I’m Nicole. I’m a wedding officiate and have been for 15 years. So let’s talk about this. The way that you can help your friends stay within the boundaries of what you want them to do is there’s two options, I think one is contact your local officiates. We often will give a coaching session to a friend who’s officiating for you so you can tell us what you want those boundaries to be. And then we can be the bad guy, per se, and give your friend a coaching lesson on how to perform the ceremony, what the expectations are and what that day should look like for them, what their role truly is, knowing that we’ve gotten that information from you. But also we do this for a living, so we can give them very valid and important information for the wedding day that’s going to help the both of you. That is what I would say. If you don’t want to hire an officiant to give that coaching session, then I would say write down what your expectations are for that person so that they have it in writing, because oftentimes it can be overwhelming when you’re officiating for a friend and you don’t really know what the expectations are. So just tell them, say, hey, our venue allows for a 30 minutes ceremony time. We’re really hoping for, like, 2025 minutes. So, please, when you’re writing the ceremony, keep that in mind. Second, we want to see the ceremony, so when you have that written or if you’re helping them write it, when we’ve got that final draft, we want to sit down and go over that final draft together so you know everything you’re saying, we know everything you’re saying. There’s no surprises and everybody’s very comfortable with the day. So that way that will hopefully set some boundaries, but just in a soft way for you guys. Good luck.

Do I need to invite the Officiant to the reception? And a +1?

Q: Do I need to invite the Officiant to the reception? And a +1?

VIDEO SUMMARY

No, we’re not inviting the official to the reception. And here’s why. I’m a professional officiant. I’ve been doing this for 15 years, and I love standing with you on your wedding day and sharing your love and being a part of that moment. It is truly so amazing. But after that, you guys are swept away for photos and dinner and dancing and everything else you have going on. So for me, who doesn’t know anybody there, it can be a little awkward. I’m going to grab a drink and socialize with folks and hang out. But again, it’s a little bit of an awkward situation because I don’t know anybody. This is a time for your friends and family to celebrate and enjoy the company of each other, and I think that is an amazing moment for them. Also, I might have another wedding that day, so, quite frankly, I just can’t stay. I don’t have the time to do that. The one exception is if you wish you’re efficient to do the blessing for you, then yes, you must invite them to dinner so that they can do the blessing and then enjoy that dinner with you. Beyond that, don’t invite them. We love spending the time with you, but you don’t need to spend your money on us.

What should I do if I don’t like my hair trial?

Q:What should I do if I don't like my hair trial?

VIDEO SUMMARY

This is a multifaceted question, and here’s why. There are a couple of things that I would ask the bride first, to be able to better give her some advice. First would be, was it an execution issue, like an issue of technique, or was it about miscommunication? And the look that was desired wasn’t delivered. So in the first scenario, the question would be, okay, the execution, the delivery, were the lashes falling off or glue showing? Was the foundation mismatched? For hair, it might be, did the curls not hold? Were the pins showing? So those are more about technique and execution. And so in that case, you might have somebody who’s just not up to the skill level that you desire. But on the other side of that is communication. So something I always talk to brides about is that the inspiration photos you choose communicate 1000 words. And if your hairstylist or makeup artist isn’t asking a lot of questions about those pictures, then they could be getting the wrong message. Something you can do on your end is, when you’re choosing those inspiration photos, make sure that the person looks like you. Sometimes we’re drawn to those inspiration photos because it’s a beautiful model, but you want to make sure they have the face shape, the skin tone, even the age of you, as well as the hair type. So those are some things to look for and think about. And then also, when you were at your trial with your artist, were they asking questions about the picture? Because I cannot tell you how many times a bride will show me a macro image of an eye. Like a close up, right? And they’re like, oh, my God, I love this. And I will dissect that picture with them. I will ask, okay, what do you love about it? Oh, I just think it’s really pretty. And I love how the eye is just really popping. But I’ll continue to ask questions. Okay, what do you think about the eyeshadow color? Oh, my gosh, I love it. What do you think about the glitter? Not really a fan of glitter. Okay. What do you think about the eyeliner? I love it. But maybe not top and bottom. Meanwhile, the picture has, like, top and bottom liner. What do you think about the lashes? What do you think about the brows? So I’m literally dissecting that picture with them. So if your artist didn’t do that, then that tells me there might be an opportunity for you to maybe do another trial and get on the same page. So there’s a third component I want to talk to you about. So when listening to this, if your situation was on the side that maybe the execution and the technique wasn’t there. We need to have a real conversation about budget, because I cannot tell you how many times we will get a bride with a champagne taste on a beer budget. And we all know those exist. So if you have chosen to go with somebody that is a lower price point, and you made that choice because you’re working within a budget, then sometimes concessions have to be made. Sometimes you’re going to get maybe a less experienced artist who needs a second trial to properly match your foundation. Doesn’t mean they can’t do it. It just might take them a little longer to get exactly what you’re wanting. So just keep that in mind. I hope this helps. Thanks for checking in on these questions. I love it. And I can’t wait to see you on the next one.

Should I wear my veil all day?

Q: Should I wear my veil all day?

answers:

1 Videos
VIDEO SUMMARY

Here’s the planner perspective on the veil. I love a veil. They’re absolutely gorgeous. But the problem is when you get to the part of your day, like cocktail hour where you’re interacting with guests, everybody’s hugging you, and the first thing that they do is throw their arms around you and it smacks your veil and it rips your head back and it sucks and it’s annoying and it ruins your hair. So all of my brides who have decided to wear their veil, I’m usually carrying it by the end of cocktail hour because they’ve had enough. So just keep that in mind in case if you do want to keep it on for your first dance, take it off the cocktails, put it back for your first dance. I think that’s probably better because you’re going to get annoyed.

Should I have “day old or dirty hair” when getting my hair done on my wedding day?

Q: Should I have "day old or dirty hair" on my wedding day?

VIDEO SUMMARY

Please do hair artists everywhere a favor and show up with clean hair. I cannot tell you how many times a bridesmaid will roll in with day old or three day old or even five day old hair acting like they’re doing us a favor, when in fact we set instructions that we want clean hair. And here’s why we want clean hair, because we can dirty the hair up with our own products that we know how they will perform. Whereas when you show up with dirty old hair, we don’t know what we’re getting into. And oftentimes you have to spend a lot of time and grunt work kind of trying to get that day old hair out of your hair. There are only two exceptions to this. One is if you have textured hair, definitely talk to your hairstylist about how they want you to come to the appointment. Oftentimes they will have you come with your curls already set from the day before, how you like them. The second would be is if you had a professional blowout the night before as directed by your hairstylist. So always make sure you’re in good communication with your stylist. And please, please, bridesmaids, follow the directions, follow the instructions. You will make our lives so much easier.

Is it a bad idea to wear my hair down on my wedding day?

Q: Is it a bad idea to wear my hair down on my wedding day?

VIDEO SUMMARY

A beautiful downstyle that will stay all day long can be achieved. And here are some serious considerations to keep in mind. If you want to have your hair down on your wedding day, you need to have a deep look at how you want to spend your wedding morning. Because to create a down hairstyle that is going to stay all day, especially the those Hollywood glam waves that are so on trend right now and so gorgeous, you can expect to spend about 2 hours in the chair just on your hair. You can also expect to spend some money on hair extensions. Now, I hear brides say all the time, oh, I have long hair. I don’t need hair extensions. I’m here to tell you, if you want that look, you need hair extensions. And here’s why. Hair extensions don’t only offer length, they also fill out the bottom of the hair. Because sometimes at our lengths, our hair is a little bit skinnier, and they help to hold the style all day long. They help to hold the curl pattern. Another thing to think about when you’re wanting that style to last all day is how you want to spend your day of your wedding. Because it takes some serious management to make sure that the hair turns out in every photo. We as hair and makeup artists, absolutely love wedding photographers. We have the best relationships with them. And at the same time, I’m here to tell you that they’re not always aware of how the hair looks in photos. So our brides often opt to have us stay on site for their wedding day so that we can make sure that the hair turns out in every photo. Because otherwise you’re going to risk that wind just catching that one piece and ruining the shot. Loop de lose so many things, and especially if you’re in an area that might have some wind, some humidity that’s going to affect your hair as well. And as much as you might think that you can manage that throughout the day, probably if you’re wanting that pinterest worthy photo that you showed at the beginning of your wedding day, you are going to need someone to help you reset your hair and manage it throughout the day. Because the reality is that photo was taken at the beginning of the day, oftentimes right when the hair is done or they’re an actual photo shoot model picture. So you just got to be realistic and think about how do you want to spend your day, what’s your budget? And then on your second question, how can you do a second look to really kind of play up or do something different for your reception? If you’re wanting to do it yourself, there are a couple of different options. Something very easy to do is to have an accessory like a fun hat or a floral crown that you throw on to get a different look. Something else that you can do that. I would say, okay, a lot of brides think I’m going to do a fun high pony. That’s easy. I can do it. Those actually take a lot more skill to have a pony that is photoworthy and looks elevated. So instead, what I would suggest is something like a lower shinyon. This is something that you can practice with your hairstylist if it’s not in your budget to have them stay on site. Maybe set up a second trial where you can ask them to show you how to do it and get a game plan going and do some practice runs. But again, it just is a matter of how much time you want to spend on that and then also what your budget is. So I hope this helps. Thank you so much for checking in to these questions. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to get to have some real conversations with you guys about topics that come up for us all the time.

I can’t afford a wedding planner, what other options are there?

Q: I can’t afford a wedding planner, what other options are there?

VIDEO SUMMARY

So you think you can’t afford a wedding planner, but let me ask you this. When was the last time that you did something for the first time and you were good at it, right? Even if this is your second or even third time getting married, right? There are some things that can fall through the cracks. And as a wedding planner, I am telling you this because I started a wedding planning company, because when I got married and my co owners got married, we did not have wedding planners. And there were some things that got missed and we wished went differently if we would have just had a good wedding planner. Now as planners, now we have couples that have $5,000 budgets or $10,000 budgets and still have a decent guest size, and they are hiring us at $1,500, $3,000, $5,000. And that’s picking up that portion of their budget because the value is so great. Like a good wedding planner will actually save you money and will save you an incredible amount of time and stress. That being said, if there is no way that you can figure out how to factor in a wedding planner to help with your day, there are resources that you can get. I would do a ton of research online, download all the lists that you can download, ask everyone you know who’s been married, what they liked, what they didn’t like, what they wish would have gone differently, what ran smoothly, and just get as much experience from them as you can. There’s a lot of online resources. There are Facebook groups now where brides are asking each other if they can be guests to each other’s weddings and make new friends. And you can go to this event and kind of get that feel for how a wedding flows. Even just getting to one or two weddings before your event is going to be a massive help. Shameless Plug if you absolutely can’t hire a wedding planner and you know that you need help, we created an e journal that is specifically geared to get you all of the knowledge that a wedding planner would have so that you know which questions to ask. So this isn’t your normal journal where it’s like, put your bridal party here and put your vendors here. This is 55 pages of questions that we would ask you if we were your wedding planner to make you think about every single aspect of the day that needs to happen. And hopefully we’ll give you the knowledge that you need to plan your day and make sure that none of the snafus that typically happen, right? So if you’re interested in that, it’s called winning your wedding planning. It’s that best weddingplanningjournal.com, and I hope that you check it out. Whatever happens, my number one piece of advice that I give to every couple is get a wedding planner. But I hope that you find the solution that works for you and that your day runs super smoothly.

How do I invite only certain kids to my wedding?

Q: How do I invite only certain kids to my wedding?

VIDEO SUMMARY

Hey there. I’m about to unpack our kids luggage from our vacation. But before I do, let’s talk kids at the wedding. And specifically for those of you who don’t generally want kids at the wedding, but there are a select few that you do, we oftentimes get asked, how do you handle that? And to be super frank and clear here, we like to empower our couples to have the wedding that they desire and not fall to the pressure of their friends and family. So my biggest advice to you is to simply have the wedding that you want. If you do not want kids there, there are kind ways of saying something along the lines of we want our guests to be present and really get to let loose. So we are having an adults only reception is a kind way of saying that now, the way to invite those particular kids that you do want there is all really handled through your RSVPs and where you allow plus ones and where you don’t. So if you specifically address your invitation to John and Jane Smith, then that should tell them that they are not allowed to have kits. They can simply RSVP for only two. Especially if you are doing your RSVPs through your website, you can control how many people they can RSVP for. Now oftentimes that same John and Jane Smith are going to text you or call you and ask, can we bring our children? I always say throw your planner under the bus and say something along the lines of we have a very tight guest count and we’re only asking that adults come. You could also say our planner has advised us to have an adults only party. You could say our venue capacity is very tight and that we are asking that it be adults only. Or you can go back to we really want to empower our guests and have a reception that allows them to let loose and have a great time. So we’re asking that it be adults only. Now, for your nieces or nephews, your ring, bears, flower girls, family that’s traveling, that you know, they have kids and you’re okay with them coming on their RSVP, you can put the Smith family and allow for three, four, five RSVPs to be input into your website or to come back on your RSVP cards. So I really do believe that your RSVPs and the amount that you allow for them with plus ones is the best way to control how many people are RSVPing. But if you need to put a note on your website or on your details card, simply just saying that we really want to have a great party and allow for you to have a break from your kids, let loose and have fun. We are asking that this is an adult only reception.

How can I cut costs?

Q: How can I cut costs?

VIDEO SUMMARY

I had to grab a beer for this one because this gets asked a lot. And it’s a very stressful question.

There are a few really easy ways to cut your cost without looking cheap or having your guests feel really uncomfortable with the wedding they’ve arrived to.

Alcohol, huge expense. favors, paper goods.

Floral and food would be my biggest tips for how to cut wedding costs.

The obvious answer is going to be reuse everything as much as possible.

Utilize what the venue has. Use everything that they offer and stay off Pinterest.

The important thing here is figuring out how to prioritize costs versus necessarily cutting costs.

You want to know how to save money on your wedding. Expect to get what you pay for.

I have a gap of time between my ceremony and reception, do I need to fill this time for my guests? How?

Q: I have a gap of time between my ceremony and reception, do I need to fill this time for my guests? How?

VIDEO SUMMARY

You’re not obligated to entertain your guests during this time. Sometimes the gap between ceremony and reception is just inevitable. I get it. What I would say, though, is you’re not obligated to entertain your guests during this time. So I’m going to lay out three options for three different budgets. If there are funds for you to maybe organize something, I would suggest maybe using this gap as an opportunity for your guests to visit a place that the two of you love in the city.

So, for example, you could arrange a bus or do a city tour that takes everyone to your favorite museum in the city. If maybe you have a little bit less, you could do something like transit Mission Everyone over to a different area for something like lawn games and lemonade. If you’re trying to think of an option that’s really budget friendly, doesn’t really cost a lot.

It’s 100% okay to put on your wedding website and remind people that here’s a list of our favorite spots along with how long it takes to get there and let people kind of go off on their own. A lot of our couples, after they get married, they tell us that most of their guests during that break, they actually looked at the list of their couples favorite places and just went and grabbed lunch or went and grabbed a drink or a snack or they went to cocktail hour.

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Ready to answer our couple’s burning questions?

Here are some tips and tricks to film a great video that stops the scroll:

1

Start with a hook.

You’ve got 3-5 seconds to stop the viewer’s scroll. Be creative… start with a phrase like:

  • Oh hell no, just no…
  • Absolutely not…
  • Yes, yes, yes! You should do this…
  • It depends on one very important thing…

2

Give a super quick intro.

We’ll put your name and bio in the title and links, so you can say something more general like:

“I’m Robin, a photographer in Chicago and after shooting 500 weddings…”
Or
“I’m not only a wedding planner in Chicago, but a newlywed myself…”

3

Answer away!

Give them your hot take, and don’t hold anything back.

Examples of what we are looking for:

check out how Sal nailed it in this video and so did Megan in this one and Nichole told it straight (from her car).

Tips for filming

Filming vertically on your phone.

TikTok is vertical for good reason - Gen Z have spoken!

Good audio is more important than good video.

Find a quiet room (that isn’t an echoey bathroom!).

Make sure your face is bright enough.

Standing near a large window or lamp is helpful - You want to be brighter than your background.

Nothing works better than a good story.

If you have any experiences you can share to help answer the question, go for it!

Bring
the energy!

Down an espresso, pump yourself up, and let the answers pour out! Our couples want as much honesty as they can get.

Featured Question

Q: Is there really a wedding mark up?

Do you feel like the industry charges more “because it’s a wedding” and they know it’s an emotional purchase?

Do companies think that they can charge more for weddings since the bride and groom may be willing to spend more on their dream wedding?

Hey wedding pros – is this higher price tag justified? Why? Do you charge more for your service if it is a wedding?

This is a taboo topic, whispered but not discussed… until now.

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